Piers Near Lighthouses
piers near lighthouses
Will this poem do or is it really rubbish?
Out and about
There`s the sky and there`s the sea
Lots of seagulls flying free
There`s the lighthouse ,there`s a buoy
There`s the sunshine bringing joy
Let`s take a walk along the prom
and get some sea air Uncle Tom
Rocks and seaweed all around
pebbles sand and shells abound
There`s a ship and there`s a pier
yachts are sailing getting near
Folk sit eating fish and chips they drink a cup of tea
read the paper for a while and then look out to sea
watch the swimmers watch the sky
folk on bikes go riding by
Up in the sky I see a plane
oh here we go it starts to rain
Hurry get back to the car
and finish off this poem
our day was fun
I`m glad to say
But now we`re going home
I enjoyed everything about this poem, the images, the beat - everything - but I tripped too much in the last stanza, I mean, there's nothing wrong with moving back and forth between rhyming and not rhyming but it has to be done properly and somehow that didn't work out for me here...everything was in such harmony and then came this one part....maybe tweak up that last part? Just my opinion though : )
a very cool write
and a nice change - its been raining all day for me here
...i want a sunny summer : (
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